Welcome to the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. An important part of the campaign is our outreach to men who Regret their Lost Fatherhood from an abortion loss. If you are a man who lost a child(ren) to abortion you can join the campaign at any time by visiting our Get Involved page.
Reach out ... Educate ... Share
Our goal, first and foremost, is to reach out to broken and hurting fathers who regret lost fatherhood and are searching for help. Experience has shown that many men who are hurting from the loss of a child to abortion think they are alone in their suffering. They often question their own emotions and wonder if they even have the right to feel pain.
Jason Baier lost a child to abortion and is the founder of the original Fatherhood Forever outreach. It is upon this firm foundation in the Fatherhood Forever website and materials that we join together with the Silent No More Awareness Campaign to continue and expand this outreach to men.
Jason shares what motivated him to find healing and then reach out to other hurting men:
"As I reached out to different people for help, there were few who understood why I was in so much pain. 'Just get over it... it was only an abortion' they would tell me. But I couldn't. It was more than just an abortion. I had lost my child and no one seemed to understand."
- Jason Baier, Fatherhood Forever
Silent No More
The best way for men to know that they are NOT alone and that their feelings are legitimate is to hear the Stories of other men like Jason who have walked the same path. The Silent No More Awareness Campaign provides a way for men to Share their own personal testimonies offering inspiration and hope for other fathers to reach out for help.
By participating in a healing program, you will come to a deeper understanding of your lost opportunity for fatherhood. You will also discover in recovery that while we have lost opportunities to parent our children in this life, we remain forever fathers of our beloved children lost to abortion. This transformation is only possible when you open your heart and soul to healing in the Lord. You can find a list of healing programs here.
After you attend a healing program, we invite you to be Silent No More by sharing your own story of abortion loss and recovery. Some of you will respond to a broader calling to share your story in public settings on a regional and perhaps national level. Others may want to volunteer to help with Silent No More Awareness Campaign activities locally.
Your Role in the Abortion Decision:
“There is one thing that seems to link together all men who face the long-term effects of abortion: a deep sense of loss.”
Guy Condon & David Hazard, "Fatherhood Aborted”
If you are a man who has experienced abortion loss and is beginning the process of recovery, a good place to start is to reflect on your role in the abortion decision.
You most likely will fit into one of the following six roles:
- You and your partner agreed to the abortion. You may have supported her by taking her to the clinic and/or paying for the procedure.
- You pressured your partner to get the abortion. You may have threatened to leave her if she didn't.
- You abandoned your partner to avoid the decision all together.
- You passively left the decision up to your partner. You may have been confused about what to do, or you felt it was entirely her choice.
- You wanted your child but were unsuccessful in preventing the abortion.
- You may have offered any means to support her and/or the child.
- You didn't even know about the pregnancy and/or the abortion until after it was done.
Depending on your role in the abortion, you may have very different responses. If you were powerless to stop an abortion you can have immediate and debilitating symptoms of anger, depression and even suicidal feelings. If you were not involved in the decision you may struggle to understand your feelings and be confused by your lingering guilt and shame. Regardless of your role in that abortion decision (and for some men it may be multiple abortions) your role as a parent was prematurely cut short.
Men have a natural instinct to provide for and protect their families. For many men, this instinct kicks in as soon as fatherhood is realized. For others, it comes at a later time, perhaps when they father other children and struggle to understand their previous abortion loss. Regardless, an abortion prevents that instinct from being exercised. This in turn can leave you feeling empty, powerless, defeated, helpless, confused and without purpose. These thoughts and feelings can haunt you for years after the procedure.
Common Emotions and Symptoms after Abortion
“[Men] can find themselves gasping for air as repressed emotions rise up with a vengeance pulling them toward what feels like a terrifying dark abyss.”
Kevin Burke LSW, Rachel's Vineyard Ministries
Many men can struggle to understand and express their emotions. These feelings are stuffed away but they fester and eat away at your very core. You can become angry, bitter, depressed, resentful, untrusting and even reckless in your behavior. You may not even be aware that your emotions are a direct result of an abortion experience. You may be in denial about your experience, attempt to intellectualize your feelings, project your emotions towards others, or withdraw from social interaction as much as possible.
Our culture has an expectation that men should be strong and courageous. Any show of emotion could expose them as being weak and cowardly. It's this expectation that causes us to hide our true emotions and pretend that everything is fine. Yet deep inside we know we are hurting, causing our relationships, families, jobs and responsibilities to suffer. It's a pattern all too common in men after abortion.
“Many men acknowledge various problems in their life without connecting them to a previous abortion decision.”
Brad Mattes, Life Issues Institute
Below is a partial list of some of the emotions and symptoms that you may be experiencing:
|* Depending on the severity of these behaviors, you may need immediate intervention and assistance from a licensed therapist or counselor before you harm yourself or someone else. If you find yourself in a desperate and/or dangerous situation, you should immediately contact 9-1-1.|
You will probably find that you are suffering from more than just one or two of these symptoms. Many go hand-in-hand with each other and certain emotions will lead to specific behaviors. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge the possibility that your abortion experience may be the cause of these emotions and symptoms.
There is Hope! Taking the Next Step
“[These men] need to be reassured... that there is hope for their healing.”
C.T. Coyle, Ph.D., Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing
Although you may be tempted to despair, there actually is hope. You can heal. You can regain your life and find purpose and meaning. It’s challenging work and you can't do it alone. First, you must realize that it is completely normal, acceptable and healthy to mourn the loss of your child. Validate your pain and grieve your loss rather than suppress it. Remember that you are not alone.
"Every man who has lost a child has a story. We should be ready to listen to his
 Roles, symptoms and behaviors from "Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing"
by C.T. Coyle, Ph.D.
"Every man who has lost a child has a story. We should be ready to listen to his story."
Warren Williams, Fathers & Brothers Ministries
Find a healing program for abortion loss so you can come together with others who share and understand your experience and can guide you through the recovery process. This will in turn inspire you to share your experience with those who will listen and understand.
The hardest part is learning how to forgive others that were involved. Recognize that they may have been misled or misinformed. Accept your role in the decision and with recovery you will learn how to forgive yourself. Finally, after attending a recovery program you will be able to acknowledge your child as an actual member of your family. As part of the healing process you will name your child(ren) and creating a memorial in his or her honor that will help you find closure and bring peace and restoration to your life.
From the moment your child was conceived, you created new life. Even though your child was never born you are a Father Forever.
Check out our list of Resources for some great books about men and abortion. Read stories from others who have been through this experience. These can be some of the best forms of inspiration.